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On being open...

[00:00:00] Sunday. Ladies, ladies, ladies, humans with uteruses and ovaries though I actually do think that this is a video that is more geared towards people who truly identify with being female because I think this afflicts those of us who feel that way more. I might be wrong, and because I'm not incredibly well schooled.

Um, transgender issues. I think anyone who doesn't completely identify with being a female but agrees that they still have these feelings. I would love to hear from you for the purposes of today's discussion. From my perspective, that is what I understand and know. I am speaking from the viewpoint that I think this is how women are reared and raised to a degree.

To a degree, we are all playing a role, right? We are all presenting ourselves and showing up whether it's our authentic role or our inauthentic role. I say authentic because I'd like to believe, I think I'm showing [00:01:00] up as my authentic self. That said, I, like anyone, have been given memos as Glennon Doyle would say, as to how I should show up, and it's hard to break some of those.

This discussion today, I really only want to be about openness, honesty, authenticity, and vulner. , Brene Brown. Thank you very much. And as I've said in the past though, there are a lot of newbies here, so you might not have heard me say this. I think there is so much value and magic. In being open and honest, and that might sound so obvious, you might all be listening, going, Ugh, open and honest.

Of course, I'm always open and honest. I always say, I mean, I definitely do, but if you really reflect on your discussion and behavior, do you openly and honestly talk about the good and the bad? And I don't even wanna say bad. The good and the less good, the good and the honest answer, like the honest truth about.

Anything from anger towards your partner or spouse, anger towards your children, disappointment in yourself, disappointment in your children, happiness in your career, disappointment in your [00:02:00] career, happiness in your lack of career, disappointment in motherhood, disappointment in mothering, or being a daughter, or being a sister, or being a friend, or being a woman, or being anything.

In other words, any and all of the things do you actually legitimately, openly, and honestly talk to. About your human existence and experience. And if you don't, I'm gonna say this, of course not. Everyone has to be public like I am. I have a purpose in being public. It feels very freeing. It's part of my calling guard.

It's become part of like my career. So there's to me a lot of value in me being public. Is there a little bit of like, I like the attention, of course. Like all that I'm being. No one has to be public if they don't wanna, I'm not advocating for everybody. Get up on Instagram and talk about the fact that, you know, whatever, you've had six miscarriages.

You don't have to do it publicly at all, but you should do it openly. And there is an overlap. Some people are [00:03:00] open publicly. I happen to be open publicly. I would be even more open publicly if I didn't think that Some of the things I'd like to talk about would, um, anger or, or sadden or annoy the people I love.

Um, and I will one day, maybe if they. because I think it is healing for me and maybe even for any of you who might be experiencing a lot of the same things that we all experience. So I urge you women who have been given the memo to make everything seem good, to make everything seem okay, life is good, hashtag life is good, right?

That does not help anybody. I've said this often that the minute you go out there publicly or openly, openly, meaning just in your little group of friends, your best friends, you're out for girls not out, five of you are sitting in their chatting. You think you're also close, but you're all feeding each other lines of bs.

You're all acting as if your life is great, your children are great, your husband is great, you have such a great relationship, everything is perfect. And the minute you put that out there, what you've done is now you've put the everyone else [00:04:00] on the defensive cuz they're. Oh my God. Well, she has such a great life.

I don't. She does. I can't tell her I don't because then God, it's like embarrassing. So I need to act as if I have a great life. So now I'm like number two in that little group of five and I'm like, Hey, I got a great life too. Oh my God, you're right. I love my husband so much and we have sex all the time and everything's perfect and we never fight.

My kids are amazing, all this stuff. So now number two has tried to one up number one or just match number one. Number one already knows that she's kind of. . Now number one is like, oh, number two has a great life. When I said it, I was just lying. But she really does have a great life. I see it. I see her house and her clothes and her persona and all these things.

It's so great. I don't have that. I was just faking it. Now I gotta fake it even more and it becomes a one up, one up, one up. And I see this happen all the time because I see patients, I see patients, I see patients who are friends, I know their lives and I know what's really happening versus what I see.

They. In the public. So again, you don't have to be [00:05:00] open in public, but try to be open with your best friends. Whether your best friends are female friends, male friends, your coworkers, your sisters, your mothers, be open. It is so freeing. It is so much happier and healthier. And if you do that little one act of openness, it will open the door.

You'll see your children potentially be more open. They will not be scared and fearful words. I hate of putting it out. . And so the more we all do that, imagine how nice it would be if we could all walk around without having to bullshit. There'd be so much less clutter in your mind cuz you wouldn't have to remember what you told people and what you didn't.

You know, when people say to me like, oh God, you really just say it all right? And I feel like, yeah, I do. First of all, it's just easier, , it's easier. It is easier for me to just say I got a big butt or that like these things have happened in my. because the minute I edit it, then I have to remember what did I edit?

How, what did I say? How did I say it? Like who did I say that to? Who did? Who did I tell and who didn't I tell It is just easier and you know, [00:06:00] you guys know I like B plus work. And in doing something that was actually just kind of easier and authentic to me, I've learned that it just snowballed into helping.

Because now I don't have to feel insecure about all the stuff that I'm not as good as other people. I am never gonna be as lean, as tall as blonde as the women who inhabit the county that I live in. I'm never gonna be as rich. Well, I shouldn't say that. Maybe I will be as rich. I don't know. But I, but I'm currently not, I don't have that kind of job or career.

I am not going to be that person who's super, super, like, organized in my home, or like the best chef or the most, um, you know, hands-on mother. I'm never gonna be that person. It's just not who I. , right? So it's just easier to be open and honest because then I do not have to be insecure about those things because Nolan's, as far as I know, whispering behind my back, like, oh, she thinks she's Martha Stewart and she's not Like, I am not Martha Stewart.

I couldn't be, I am not 120 pounds. I don't wanna say I couldn't be. I will manifest. Maybe I will be one day anyway. [00:07:00] So this is just an urging on a Sunday. Please, please. Humans with ovaries. Uterus is cervixes. And again, I'd say mostly like people who identify as women because I think this is the memo we are given.

Be open men, men are given a totally different memo, by the way, which is equally screwed up, . It's just different. Um, but be open. You don't have to be public. Just be open. Open with your people. You'll be shocked and amazed how much when you say things that you might even think they're gonna be shocked.

You might think that they don't know, that they don't get it. They are so happy with their partner that they can't even imagine what you're going. And they are gonna open up and be like, oh my God, me too. I feel the same way. Let's all bond over it. And this isn't to say by the way, about like partners and husbands like, you know, the, everyone's unhappy.

They're not unhappy, but they're still within the happiest of relationships There is crap. Okay. Bye.